Your problems solved, with Holly Harper
Lately, I’ve become suspicious that my husband is having an affair: he has suddenly started taking pride in his appearance; buying me flowers for no good reason; and worst of all, he always seems to have a daft smile on his stupid face. Considering I have endeavoured to make his life a misery for the last twenty years, I find it hard to believe this heady behaviour is aimed at me. How can I change that annoyingly joyful grin back to a haunted grimace?
Have you considered that your husband may have an invisible friend? A girl in my class, Verity Rogers, has an invisible friend called Barnaby Bumlord who, coincidentally, appeared not long after her daddy went to jail for having bad pictures on his computer and her mummy went away to X Factor bootcamp. Verity is a good girl, but Barnaby is a little bit naughty and always seems to get Verity in trouble with the teachers. Like the time Barnaby fashioned an enormous green Play-Doh willy and left it on Mrs Dodkins’ desk and when he threw a fork at that poor dinner lady’s head. Plus there was the dreadful swimming pool diarrhoea incident. Verity always seems to take the rap for Barnaby’s bad behaviour, but you can see why, considering he is going to teach her to fly off the top of the new science block on the last day of term, lucky thing.
Hope that helps!