Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I was out with the girls having a few Bacardi Breezers the other night, and I ended up chatting to a tall handsome stranger at the bar. Twenty-four units of alcohol and a shish kebab later, and my favourite knickers were hanging jauntily from his bedroom lampshade. As I walked home the next morning I was convinced he was 'the one', but he must have lost my phone number as I haven't heard from him since. Should I track him down and remind him of it?

Dear Heidi,
Didn't your mummy and daddy tell you never to talk to strange men? No doubt this man tempted you back to his house with promises of sweeties and newborn puppies. I imagine you must have been very disappointed when you realised he'd been telling porky pies and simply wanted you to hand over your underpants. As a result of your naivety, you've broken one of the three commandments: Thou shalt not play with matches; Thou shalt not cross the road without looking both ways first; and Thou shalt not talk to strangers. As far as I am concerned you should count yourself lucky you haven't been sent to bed with a smacked bottom and no supper.
Hope that helps!