Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
I love my job but I'm thinking of leaving because my boss is a lecherous old git. He doesn't trust me, so he's always hanging around watching over me and making inappropriate comments about the quality of my work or what I'm wearing. Although I can handle his general lack of respect and perverted demeanour, I am tired of him paying me peanuts for all my hard work. Do you think I should give up prostitution altogether?
Kings Cross

Dear Candice,
During the 16th century, women everywhere suddenly went mental and started throwing themselves in front of horses, chaining themselves to nuclear power stations and burning their pants so that men would take them seriously and let them do manly stuff like appear on Newsnight and wear ripped dungarees. But the men were angry because they needed someone pretty to make their tea and iron their shirts for work, so they decided to hunt down the trouble makers and persecute them for being witches. Thankfully, the women soon got their revenge when they got their formidable leader, Margaret Thatcher, to make all the men go and work down the mines for being so naughty.

As a result of this valiant feminist crusade by our mothers and grandmothers, girls today are free to aspire to be mindless celebrities who get drunk in nightclubs every night of the week and show their rude bits in newspapers so that men will give them lots of money. So next time your boss slaps you on the bottom or peers down your top, stop moaning and be grateful he's not burning you at the stake.
Hope that helps!