Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,


I referred to my boss as a flatulent twatlord when talking to one of my colleagues the other day and unfortunately she was standing right behind me. She seems to have taken it on the chin, but I’ve been nervous about going home because my boss also happens to be my wife. Shall I just pack a bag?


Dear Simon,

I think bosses and teachers must be quite similar because my teacher, Mrs Dodkins, wasn’t delighted when someone wrote ‘Shirley Dodkins is a boss-eyed spunk badger’ on the whiteboard in huge red letters. She was even more distressed by the revelation that the jibe was written in indelible marker, meaning that, six weeks later, the phrase has inadvertently become a kind of class motto, daily emblazoning the space above Mrs Dodkins’ head as she recites the five times table. But some kind soul has also jazzed up the corner of the slogan with a tiny bum doing a poo, so all in all it really is a thought-provoking piece.

Hope that helps!