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Your Problems Solved, With Holly Harper

Dear Holly,
After my boyfriend and I have made love, all he does is grunt and go straight to sleep or slope off and play computer games until 3am. I, on the other hand, wish to punctuate our coitus by way of a lingering, romantic conversation whilst wrapped in each others arms until we eventually drift off to sleep with contented expressions on our faces. As you can see, my boyfriend seems to have very unrealistic views about this relationship, but I can't seem to get through to him. Can you suggest anything?
Loretta,
Grantham

Dear Loretta,
Every week on a Thursday afternoon, my class does music education. We have to go to the school hall and explore the world via percussion and dance on blue foam mats. Apparently, this process is an important tool for helping us to develop adaptive social behaviour and advanced communication skills. I'm not sure how playing the triangle and doing star jumps can help, but it certainly makes a pretty noise. If you're having trouble getting through to your boyfriend, I am sure my teacher will let you borrow some maracas and a glockenspiel if you ask very nicely. However, be careful your boyfriend doesn't get all carried away like Oliver French did a couple of weeks ago, and over-express himself in front of everyone: he'll end up having his tambourine confiscated and being made to hold the teacher’s hand until he starts behaving like a civilised little boy again.
Hope that helps!
Holly

 

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Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
The idea of working at your relationship may be unfashionable but it is the best way to give it a fighting chance. Why not get straight onto it as soon as the pubs are shut?

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Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
What's love got to do, got to do with it? What's love, but a second-hand emotion? So bearing that in mind, if you could just put the fifty quid on the night-stand and get out. I've got three more to get through before lunch.

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