Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,

My colleagues don’t realise, but I’ve overheard them arranging a surprise birthday party for my 60th, even though I asked for no fuss. Do you think it would be fair for me to return the surprise by shouting that I despise every last one of them and wish they’d leave me the hell alone?



Dear Ted,

I’ve discovered recently that surprises aren’t always a good thing. For example, telling my granny that Last of the Summer Wine is not a reality show and that David Essex is now bald and ugly nearly finished the old buzzard off. Nor did my parents enjoy it when I jumped out of the wardrobe and interrupted daddy naked-wrestling mummy on the bed. However, I’m sure my teacher will be elated when she discovers the petrified dog turd we hid in her handbag yesterday when she wasn’t looking.¬†We’ll just have to wait and see.


Hope that helps!