Your problems solved, with Holly Harper

Dear Holly,

Being one of the 1% of the male population who hates football, I was most disappointed to discover that the One Show is off air for a fortnight due to the European championships. How is a red blooded gentleman expected to relieve the day’s tension without Alex Jones and her adorable Welsh cleavage?


Dear Ryan,

The other evening, I was supposed to be in bed asleep, but I was totally buzzing from having eaten a packet of Skittles and half a pound of Millions after brushing my teeth, so I snuck downstairs, hid behind the sofa and spied on my Daddy watching the football whilst working through my sugar come-down. Although it was pretty boring watching little men running around a field, I did pick up some excellent spectator vocabulary, including ‘you fucking French garlic wankers’ and ‘play him wide you Scouse bastard’ and ‘come on lads, get into this shower of shite’. I can’t wait to test them out from the sidelines of the sack race at sports day next week.

Hope that helps!