Are you in a mixed-attractiveness relationship?

13-11-17

MILLIONS of Britons are in mixed-attractiveness relationships. Take our test to find out if you are too.

Mixed-attractiveness relationships (MARs) are the easiest way for good-looking people to live in a large fancy house, or for a balding homunculus to marry a supermodel. But they’re not just for the rich and famous. You could already be in a mixed attractiveness relationship, but you just haven’t realised.

Are you in a mixed-attractiveness relationship?

1. How would you describe your partner?

A. Very good-looking but also kind of vacant and possibly capable of murder.

B. Hairy hands, moobs like an orangutan and a lot of really bad jeans.

2. Where are you reading this?

A. On an email forwarded by the self-interested, money-obsessed children from your first marriage.

B. On a yacht while your partner is shouting into a Bluetooth earpiece about net profit percentages.

3. When your partner tries to initiate love-making, do you…

A. …check under the bed for a possible murder weapon.

B. …subtly try to avoid physical contact, for example by moving to Mauritius.

4. Are you Piers Morgan, Jeremy Clarkson or Rod Stewart? 

A. Yes.

B. I’m not sure, there’s a lot of stuff that I’ve blanked out.

Mostly A’s – You may have lost the genetic lottery, but you’ve won the actual lottery or got a lot of money by some other means. Either that or you’ve just got a really great personality, because your partner is way hotter than you.

Mostly B’s – Congratulations on being the attractive half of a MAR. Now you can have fun spotting other beauty-beast combos while muttering ‘oh my god, he/she must be fucking minted’. 

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