Horoscopes

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
If I were a rich man, yubbydibbydibbydibbydibbydibbydibbydum. All day long I’d biddybiddybum, if I were a wealthy man. Which probably explains why I’m not.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)
Look for the bare necessities, the simple bare necessities, forget about your worries and your strife. And thank you for calling the Benefits Helpline.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
This week, your no-nonsense attitude to work gets you sacked from the homeopathic pharmacy.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
You may not know much about art, but you know what you like. It’s just a shame that happens to be rearranging your balls on public transport.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)
Time to burn off excess holiday pounds by eating the last of those of prawns you opened on Christmas Eve.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Remember that the police will be focusing on drink drivers right now, making it the perfect time to start kidnapping dogs again.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Thanks for that, he was a right old prick.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
This week why not conduct a major survey where you somehow forget to ask a lot of rioters why they are such arseholes?