Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) If you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, you probably know the same people I do.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Money, money, money. Must be funny, in a rich man's world. Especially when they fish for tramps using fivers as bait.
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) Your drinking problem is brought into sharp focus this week when the local off licence offers you £5k not to move house.
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) When sending back wine for being lacklustre or corked, ignore the waiter's protests that he's 'actually a priest'.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You're shocked to discover The Hobbit was totally ripped off from Willow.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Your interview with David Bowie starts badly when you point out that ‘Major’ Tom would actually have been ‘Squadron Leader’ Tom.
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) You should have a night off the booze but I’m not sure an 18-hour blackout really counts.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Enjoy your Easter weekend slapping chocolate out of the hands of your atheist friends and asking why they’re not at work.