Horoscopes
Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob
Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)
Saturn's been sat outside your house in his car for two hours now with
the engine running, smoking endless cigarettes and carving shapes into
the dashboard with a flick-knife. I'm sure it's nothing to worry about.
Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob
Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
De Babylon, dem mek I and I gwan be a bad bwoy, seen? And that, m'lud, is the case for the defense.
Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob
Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
The bank manager tells you to stop wasting his time when you ask for
a loan to start a Zionist search engine called 'Netan-Yahoo'.
Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob
Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
Your song-title based 'jape' was both childish and insensitive, but at least you didn't use Shaduppa Your Face.
Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob
Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)
All the world's a stage, and all the men and women merely players.
They have their exits and their entrances, and one man in his time plays
many parts. Except Jeff Goldblum.
Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
As a caring individual, you always make
sure the meat you buy has come from animals that had a half-decent life
before they were hacked to bits and wrapped in plastic like a lorry
driver's last victim. Give yourself a pat on the back.
Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
In eight years, Hitler managed to gain and lose an empire that
stretched the breadth of Europe, while in the same amount of time you've
just about managed to paint your bathroom. Even taking into account all
the bad Nazi stuff he's still better than you.
Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
A romantic weekend away is the perfect
opportunity to pop the question your soul has demanded the answer to but
your heart has dared not ask. Just don't use the word 'dirtbox'.