Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) You’ve had no booze or fags since New Year ’s Day which would be impressive if you weren’t trapped under a wardrobe.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) This week you will convince a court that it’s possible to embarrass a man who calls himself ‘Rocknroll’.
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) You're still convinced that the fireworks on December 31st were to celebrate that massive shit you had.
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) Shot through the heart and you're to blame, you give love a bad name. Not to mention archery tuition.
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) Good news as the Jedi religion opts out of gay marriage. Lucas made Han & Leia, not Fran and Leia.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You're unconcerned about diseased ash trees because you know all plants go to Heaven.
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) Temporarily giving up drink wasn't easy but as the 30th approaches you feel it's been a worthwhile half-hour.
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) Why not liven up a boring day at work by starting the shut-down process on your computer, then quickly trying to write an email?