Horoscopes

Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
Success in the Dragon's Den as you secure £500,000 worth of investment in your machine that fires snakes at Duncan Bannatyne.

Your Astrological Week Ahead, With Psychic Bob

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
So no-one told you life was gonna be this way. Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's DOA. Good.

Your Astrological Week Ahead...

Psychic Bob

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
If you love somebody, set them free. Stockholm Syndrome is a wonderful thing.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
Enough is enough. Jeremy Bowen must reinstate his moustache.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
In Xanadu did Kubla Khan a stately pleasure dome decree? Because Olivia Newton John completely fails to mention it.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)
If you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen, take your top off and then get back in the kitchen and cook my fucking dinner.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
An awkward moment this week when you see your ex on the arm of somebody who looks remarkably like you. Except he's got hair and teeth.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)
Your new girlfriend is quiet and unassuming, maybe slightly aloof, as if butter wouldn't melt in her mouth. And of course, butter wouldn't melt in her mouth, what with you keeping her in the freezer.