Horoscopes

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
After establishing that it's not a competency issue, a personality clash or a gap in training needs, your are finally dismissed for coming into work on 'casual Friday' dressed as Der Fuhrer.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Taurus (April 20-May 20)
Our destiny can be shaped from birth, and this is certainly the case with you as you continue to flail through life screaming, covered in lumpy slime and being slapped by complete strangers.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob


Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
As a child you would always play with the boxes the toys came in, so your wife shouldn't be too surprised this week when she comes home to find you wearing her cocktail dress.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
The onset of British Summer Time sees you in a jauntier mood this week as you reduce the tog number of the duvet you hide beneath while sobbing uncontrollably.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
This week your boss at the CIA drags you from the relative obscurity of a junior research post and sends you on a mission to establish contact with a rogue Russian submarine commander who is either intent on firing his missiles at the United States or defecting with his entire crew. When you do finally meet him, don't forget to ask which part of Edinburgh he's from.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)
Being asked if you want the usual is not a source of pride when it's in the canteen of the local magistrate's court.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
Spring is definitely in the air as you spray your colleagues' desks with your pungent urine and strut up and down in front of the large-breasted temp, ostentatiously displaying the lining of your new jacket.

Your Astrological Week Ahead With...

Psychic Bob

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)
Got some worthless opinions you want to share? Why not stick them on the internet under a piece of correctly spelled and punctuated prose which has been written by someone who has actually thought about it? You're just so clever and articulate. Will you marry me?