Aries (21 MAR-19 APRIL) You will come into money tomorrow as the trousers you buy in Oxfam have a 20p piece in the pocket.
Aries (21 MAR-19 APRIL) At school you used to say "Our Father, who fart in heaven" during the Lord's Prayer, so you kind of feel Richard Dawkins has stolen your schtick.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Japan! That's who the other baddies in World War Two were! If only you'd remembered a week ago, you would still have got nowhere on Only Connect.
Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY) On Thursday your excitement about Making A Murderer ends when you realise it isn’t a fortnightly partwork magazine where the first issue costs just 99p.
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) You woke up early today, so had time for a quick 'revenge reshuffle' before having a shower and heading to work.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You've always wondered why, of all the insults Kirsty MacColl throws at Shane McGowan in Fairytale of New York, she never once mentions his teeth.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You realise you've been a bit lonely lately when you respond to a text from your phone provider by asking what they're up to later.
Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN) Now it's December you can have your first bite of mince pie before pulling a disgusted face and spitting it out again.