Horoscopes

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) You never got a Tamagotchi but now you have an iPhone that needs charging every fifteen minutes so that's something.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) The reincarnation of Homer questions your use of the word 'epic' to describe a night out in Wetherspoons.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) This week your sausage will be too tightly rolled up. Wurst furled problems.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR) The longest journey starts with a single step. And a fear that you've left the heating on.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) Everyone’s entitled to their opinion. Not you, mind. You’re a gobshite.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Your kid is the star of the school’s nativity play. Which is a step down from a shepherd, really.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) Guinness loses interest in your claim that you can hold your breath for twenty minutes when you explain that’s not all in one go.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) That Mars advert where the bloke goes in goal is so unrealistic - Scott Parker in an England shirt?