Horoscopes

I feel like Bruce Willis wearing a sandwich board

You don't want to be strangled to death by your big sister for cutting out some pretty shapes from her One Direction tickets.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You've been a waiter for ten years now but still no sign of all those good things.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) The apocalypse doesn't sound so scary when you consider it only has four horsepower.

Your astrological week ahead, by Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) They say owners start to look like their dog and that's true in your case as it died two years ago.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You like Willem Dafoe. He's brillent.  

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) In your local hipster coffee shop 'skinny white' is the most popular coffee order and a description of the staff.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR) Time to shift that winter weight, as you've been calling the bloke you started dating on New Year's Eve.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) Why not spice up things in the bedroom with a bit of role play? You can pretend you're somebody who still wants to have sex with him and he can pretend to be a blind person with no sense of smell.