Horoscopes

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) Remember, life is too short to spend it worrying about how tragically, unreasonably short it is.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APRIL) With the nights starting to draw in, you'll be able to spend more and more time lurking in your neighbour's hedge undetected.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APRIL) Waking up with a cat sat on your chest staring at you can be disconcerting enough but especially when you don't own a cat and it's a puma.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APRIL) They say that owners end up like their dog and sure enough, three years after your neighbour's dog died, so has he.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) Remember, there is no such thing as a stupid question, unless it's a stupid thing, asked about a stupid subject asked by a stupid person, stupidly.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Given that the Fire Brigade puts out fires, surely the PC Brigade would put out political correctness? 

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) This week you'll be unable to shake the image of Andy Burnham taking off his eyebrows at night and putting them in a little silver case.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) YOU never feel entirely comfortable leaving a music gig. It's disconcerting.