Horoscopes

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN) The boozer on your street is declared a 'gastro-pub' by locals because it serves cheese toasties.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) You’ve always managed to avoid tension in the office by being absolutely unemployable.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) It appears the producers of Paranormal Activity 4 are running out of ideas, as you find you've paid £10 to watch paratroopers acting in an unremarkable way.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
The debate about when to use ‘less’ rather than ‘fewer’ has passed you by, more or fewer.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)
After building a time machine you decide not to travel back to 1920s Germany to kill Hitler as planned and instead set the dial for a 1975 episode of Top Of The Pops.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)
After the self-denial of Stoptober you’re really looking forward to Smokecrackcember.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
The nights are drawing in so it’s time to knock the naked Satanic rituals on the head until next year and go back to the good old C of E.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY)
Everyone has an opinion on your arsehole. No, hang on, that’s not right...