Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) The apocalypse doesn't sound so scary when you consider it only has four horsepower.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) They say owners start to look like their dog and that's true in your case as it died two years ago.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You like Willem Dafoe. He's brillent.
Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) In your local hipster coffee shop 'skinny white' is the most popular coffee order and a description of the staff.
Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR) Time to shift that winter weight, as you've been calling the bloke you started dating on New Year's Eve.
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) Why not spice up things in the bedroom with a bit of role play? You can pretend you're somebody who still wants to have sex with him and he can pretend to be a blind person with no sense of smell.
Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) In a multiple-choice exam, if you're not sure of the answer just put 'B'. Unless they ask which was the best Mel in the Spice Girls.
Aries (21 MAR-19 APR) If the term 'geek' these days just means somebody with a detailed interest in something, you're a real pornography geek.