Your Astrological Week Ahead


Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)

Your ability to adapt in any situation helps in an unexpected way today. I’d seen drawings of that one but never believed it was physically possible.

Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)

Having a lengthy internal discussion about what you need from a relationship could make your next date a success. But probably not.

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)

Significant bonding take times, but that woman has been at it for half an hour now and you can still move your feet. What are you paying her for?

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)

Remain easy-going today when it seems like hell has broken loose. It won’t actually break loose until tomorrow.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)

To discover a compatible partner you first need to consider what gets your own blood pumping. Then you need to work out if they will fit into your Minnie Mouse costume.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)

Lady Luck is smiling in your direction today. Only one of your legs is going to be severed.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)

While it's rare to find someone who shares your exact interests, it's not impossible. I would try a prison.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)

It is days since you last had it and the temptation is strong to lower your standards to get a date. Is that possible?

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)

Share your thoughts with those who desperately need a new vision. Invent a new religion and target the vulnerable, it’s a great way to make money and get all kinds of sex!

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

A first date is the perfect time to use your allure to its full potential. After dessert is served casually remove your knickers and put them in your handbag, if you have not already!

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)

Why is it you can talk to your pals about your hopes and dreams for hours on end, but when you try it with someone new they walk off immediately? Are your friends deaf? Or just stupid?

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