Your Astrological Week Ahead


Virgo (23 AUG-22 SEP)

Having a rich fantasy life is healthy. It is just your acting them out that is sick and disgusting

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)

When you daydream about a your current girlfriend do you flash forward through time imagining your perfect life together? Don’t, she's sleeping with your sister.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)

It's a super day to take a risk and ask someone new out for a casual date. You won’t be stuck in the rain waiting for them when they don’t turn up.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)

Love isn't always instantaneous. It just is in your case Mr Floppy. Tissue?

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)

Instead of tackling your problem alone, ask others if they are interested in teaming up. If you all think about girls while you are doing it then it’s not a bit gay.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)

Watch out. Your indecisive behaviour could turn off a potential admirer. Once you have decided on a hole you should stick to it.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)

Be generous with your affections today. People won’t complain so much when you put your prices up tomorrow.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)

Endless chatter from people with nothing of any real importance to say will drive you mad today. So stop talking to yourself.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

Romance means different things to different people. But it only means that to demented perverts like you.

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)

Now is a good time to focus on yourself. Book a visit to a spa over the weekend, or ease tensions at work with some relaxing masturbation.

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)

Worried that you are taking your work stresses back home? Stay in the pub.

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