Your Astrological Week Ahead

16-09-08

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT)

Relationships are complex enigmas that demand patience, hard work, faith and a little luck. Not like Mr Buzzy. All he needs is batteries.

Scorpio (24 OCT-21 NOV)

Be more generous and kind to people you normally try to avoid, including your children.

Sagittarius (22 NOV-21 DEC)

When you're busy, it's easy to half-listen to friends and family when they start talking about their day. Ignore them completely and hopefully they will go away.

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN)

Be of service to a friend who could really use your help today. Offer a hand without any hidden strings attached and make sure your nails are trimmed.

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB)

Stability should be just as important to you as passion when it comes to finding the perfect mate. You could injure yourself badly if you fell off half-way through.

Pisces (20 FEB-20 MAR)

Be adventurous today! Dress a bit more daring. Take a different route home. Use your left hand instead of your right.

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR)

No one likes to hang out with someone who looks like they're ready to snap all the time. Eat something.

Taurus (April 20-May 20)

It's easy for you to explode when things go wrong today – now is it the blue wire you cut, or the red one?

Gemini (21 MAY-20 JUN)

Don't react emotionally when someone offers constructive criticism. React violently.

Cancer (21 JUN-22 JUL)

Someone at work proposes some changes under which you feel that you're giving up much more than you're getting. Kill them.

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG)

It's tempting to wallow in self-pity when you spot so many people in love, but you have something they don't – night after night of frenzied masturbation.

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