Things Brexiters are nostalgic for that were actually bollocks

WHAT things do Brexiters want to bring back that were horrible even at the time?

Remainers always claimed Brexit was the result of older white people’s misguided nostalgia, but now it’s happened, which highly dubious things would we love to bring back?

Pre-decimal currency

A pain in the arse and incredibly hard to grasp if you did not grow up with it. A bit like insisting all your friends use carrier pigeons instead of texting because you don’t like mobile phones.

Pink custard

A school dinner staple for decades, pink custard is just normal poor quality custard with some radioactive colouring that can make you grow a second head. Always came with a block of dense, flavourless sponge that tasted like roof insulation.

Hanging

Very, very popular among some Brexiters who see public executions as a potential source of family entertainment, even though most people now prefer Netflix.

Traditional weird teachers

Familiar to pupils of the 1970s and earlier, the sort of teacher who would unexpectedly flip out and throw a chair at someone, or remove their glass eye in front of a horrified class.

Politically incorrect comedy

An obsession with Brexiters, who feel they are really missing out by not being able to watch a gruelling stream of mother-in-law gags by Tarby or dismally unfunny sitcoms called I Don’t Fancy an Indian!.

Tripe

A cow’s stomach lining with lashings of delicious vinegar, beloved of nans and masochists.

Sign up now to get
The Daily Mash
free Headlines email – every weekday
privacy

You got a problem there, pal? Take our test to find out

ARE you looking for trouble? Take our simple test to find out if you’d better step outside.

1. Are you from round here, mate?

A. Yes and I once robbed a post office with your cousin Darren. Yeah that’s right, Darren from whatever the local hard family is called.

B. No mate, sorry, I’m just…I’m not a student or anything but…

2. Do you think you’re better than me/everyone in the pub?

A. I told you, I’m mates with your Darren and I’m going to take him for a pint when he gets out of the nick.

B. No, mate, not at all, I think there has been some sort of misunderstanding or something…do you want a kettle chip?

3. Do you support (insert local football team name)?

A. Yeah, I go every week. When I’m not knocking off post offices that is.

B. I’m more of a cricket fan to be honest.

If you answered mostly As then you’re sound mate. Have you got a pint? There’s one in the pipe for you and I’ll be sure to pass your regards onto our Darren next time he calls on his mobile from prison.

If you answered mostly Bs then it appears you have some sort of a problem. You’ll have to take our next test, ‘Do you want to take this outside, pal?’ and possibly the following one ‘Where am I and why does it smell of hospitals?’.