Health

Former raver deeply disappointed by 'exercise high'

A MAN who spent his youth taking ecstasy is finding it impossible to reach the same levels of bliss by going to the gym, he has confirmed.

Man quits exercise for good after realising no-one else gives a shit

A MAN has stopped working out after realising no-one gives a tuppenny toss about how long he spends at the gym.

‘Glowing’ pregnant woman feels like hell on earth

A PREGNANT woman complimented for her healthy glow is actually sweating cobs and exhausted, she has confirmed.

Milk in shops comes from cows' tits

THE milk we buy in supermarkets is straight from the tits of a cow, it has been claimed.

First chip eaten while still insanely hot

THE first sizzling hot chip on a plate has been eaten within seconds of arriving at the table, ruining the rest of the meal.

Man admits Pot Noodle is just awful but refuses to stop

A MAN has confirmed that Pot Noodles are manky and he will not stop eating them.

Hunt jealous of hackers who were able to cripple NHS in just 20 minutes

JEREMY Hunt is bitterly jealous of the cyber attackers who brought the NHS to its knees.

Never having to do PE again is best part of being an adult

A WOMAN who often despairs at the state of the world finds comfort in the fact that she never has to do PE again.