Health

Hypochondriacs welcome ludicrous new health scare

BRITAIN'S hypochondriacs are delighted by claims that wi-fi could in some way harm their health.

Steampunk goggles made available on the NHS

STEAMPUNKS have won their battle for free quasi-Victorian corrective eyewear.

‘Mediterranean diet’ translated as pizza

BRITONS have decided that pizza is the main component of a Mediterranean diet.

Britain begins four month period of feeling a bit ill

EVERYONE in Britain will be fighting something off until further notice.

We will get sugar somehow, promise kids

CHILDREN have confirmed that they will find sugar wherever it is hidden because they love it.

Kids with e-cigarettes getting bullied

SCHOOLCHILDREN smoking vapour-based cigarettes are being mocked by their peers, it has emerged.

Roll-up smokers impervious to health warnings

THE government is to remove health advice from rolling tobacco packets because the people who buy them simply do not care.

Health experts somehow come up with perfectly reasonable idea

PUTTING a calorie count on alcohol labels is not annoying or patronising, it has emerged.