A WOMAN who asked for a smoothie-maker for Christmas has found the perfect place for it to be stored and forgotten about.
A SMOKER has stopped messing around with ‘e-cigarettes’ and gone back to the real thing.
EATING large amounts of fried and processed red meat sorts you out, it has been confirmed.
TODDLERS have expanded into their spherical outdoor forms for the winter months.
A WOMAN who ate a doughnut in the middle of the night is making her body an appropriate shape for the season.
PLAYING Red Dead Redemption until dawn is not a recognised medical condition, doctors have confirmed.
A WOMAN who enjoys exercise without any spiritualism or bullshit attached is being ignored by her friends.
FUSSY eaters are an absolute ballache to be around at a genetic level, scientists have discovered.
- Woman pretty much announces she's pregnant by turning down glass of wine
- Doctors refuse to see anyone who arrives with a fag and a can of Monster
- Man unaware he was an alcoholic until doing a questionnaire
- Old jar of lime pickle desperately needs to go in bin
- Drinkers demand cure for arsehole alcohol personality