Health

Middle class children exposed to dangerous levels of sourdough

MIDDLE class children are in danger of regarding sourdough bread as normal, experts have warned.

Addiction warnings on heroin packaging ‘the nanny state gone mad’

HEROIN users are criticising laws that the drug must be sold in plain black packaging with health warnings as the ‘nanny state gone mad’.

Sex education to be compulsory for people who are particularly bad at sex

THE government is to make sex education compulsory for all UK citizens who are terrible at sex, it has confirmed.

Only even numbers of fruit and vegetables are healthy, experts declare

NUTRITIONISTS have claimed eating two, four, six, or eight portions of fruit and vegetables every day is healthy, but eating one, three, five, or seven could be fatal.

Millions of Britons 'complacent about their drinking ability'

MANY Britons wrongly assume they can still drink as much as they used to, it has emerged.

NHS told to stop splashing out on fancy operations

THE NHS must stop frittering money on fancy operations with all the latest equipment and drugs, ministers have claimed.

Typical glass of British tap water now 70 per cent ham

ORDINARY British tap water is now mostly ham, experts have confirmed.

Balding man chooses just the right moment to begin shaving his head

A BALDING man has been acclaimed by friends for calling the moment to begin shaving his head just perfectly.