THE pisshead you met at the weekend was telling the truth when he claimed to be a top surgeon.
PATIENTS have asked doctors' receptionists if they can please stop looking at them like that.
BRITAIN'S organs are very much in favour of being donated.
CONSUMERS have demanded to know why corned beef is available.
NURSES will be trained to do other things instead of just looking busy and pretending to be doctors.
EMERGENCY calls are going unanswered as hipsters pressure the NHS to decommission ambulances for their art projects.