Health

111 rescued by nosy interfering old women

THE NHS's non-emergency helpline is to be staffed by overly-inquistive old women.

Capacity for beer still main source of pride

MOST Britons consider drinking a lot of beer to be their greatest achievement.

Cigarette packets 'more addictive than nicotine'

COLOURFUL cigarette packets are more addictive than their contents, experts have warned.

Whiplash test to involve removal of telly and crisps

ANYONE claiming to have whiplash will be denied telly and crisps for a week, as a test of their integrity.

UK morgues full of unconscious people

BRITAIN'S mortuaries are full of people who are probably just really badly hurt, according to new research.

Drunk man at bar not lying about being a surgeon

THE pisshead you met at the weekend was telling the truth when he claimed to be a top surgeon.

Doctors' receptionists urged to be less terrifying

PATIENTS have asked doctors' receptionists if they can please stop looking at them like that.