Horoscopes

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) This week you get six numbers in the Health Lottery and win a kidney.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) Remember, bad dreams aren't real, they're just your subconscious sketching out scenarios that have every chance of occurring in the near future.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN) On Tuesday you’ll be marking eight years of sobriety. It’s been spread over 25 years of piss-artistry, but still.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) This week you discover that Cab Calloway's career was ended by the arrival of Uber Calloway.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR) Your life is uncanny – i.e. something a Geordie wouldn't like.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APR) You’re a massive science fiction fan but even you will admit the new Terminator Genisys trailer looks abismal.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) You can tell if somebody likes butter by putting a buttercup under their chin but you're no longer allowed to see if people like the moon.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) To mark Nigel Farage's candidacy in next year's election you're releasing a rap album called Fear Of A Black Thanet.