Horoscopes

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APRIL) You will come into money tomorrow as the trousers you buy in Oxfam have a 20p piece in the pocket.

 

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aries (21 MAR-19 APRIL) At school you used to say "Our Father, who fart in heaven" during the Lord's Prayer, so you kind of feel Richard Dawkins has stolen your schtick.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Japan! That's who the other baddies in World War Two were! If only you'd remembered a week ago, you would still have got nowhere on Only Connect

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY) On Thursday your excitement about Making A Murderer ends when you realise it isn’t a fortnightly partwork magazine where the first issue costs just 99p.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) You woke up early today, so had time for a quick 'revenge reshuffle' before having a shower and heading to work.

Psychic Bob: The pink Hungry Hippo is Pisces and the green one is Libra

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You've always wondered why, of all the insults Kirsty MacColl throws at Shane McGowan in Fairytale of New York, she never once mentions his teeth.

Psychic Bob: They secretly call you 'the goose'

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You realise you've been a bit lonely lately when you respond to a text from your phone provider by asking what they're up to later.

Psychic Bob: Have your first bite of mince pie before pulling a disgusted face and spitting it out

Capricorn (22 DEC-19 JAN) Now it's December you can have your first bite of mince pie before pulling a disgusted face and spitting it out again.