Horoscopes

Ask Holly: I'll challenge Theresa May to a traditional Highland wrestling match

THE worst type of violence that can be visited upon a person is the classic playground wedgie.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) YOU are always looking for people to massage your ego, which is massive progress given that it used to be your crotch.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY) Like fellow Taurean Lily Allen, your father is Keith Allen. Sorry. Didn’t know how to break it to you. 

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY) A PET rabbit is no substitute for a real relationship. No, not even one of those really big rabbits. 

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Time heals all wounds. For example, you can barely remember a thing about Avatar. 

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY) SPLASH out on a massage, restaurant trip, bunch of flowers or massage with happy ending this week. You’ve earned it. 

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) When you get that feeling, you want sexual healing. And a course of antibiotics.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL–20 MAY) Did you know, your star sign is also a variety of potato?! So if you wouldn’t mind checking - yeah, you’re a potato.