Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) Just two weeks of going to the gym has really made a difference. You never used to cry when putting on your coat before.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) If Russia is anti-gay, why is so much of it devoted to Steppes?
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) The tube strike is going to cost you money this week as there'll be nobody outside the station to menace for a cup of tea.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) On Saturday you will take a satisfying final gulp from your beer, only to see there's another unsatisfyingly small gulp left in the bottom.
Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) You never got a Tamagotchi but now you have an iPhone that needs charging every fifteen minutes so that's something.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) The reincarnation of Homer questions your use of the word 'epic' to describe a night out in Wetherspoons.
Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) This week your sausage will be too tightly rolled up. Wurst furled problems.
Aries (21 MAR-19 APR) The longest journey starts with a single step. And a fear that you've left the heating on.