Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Having not shaved for a week you realise your beard actually looks quite distinguished. Now to find some earrings to go with it.
Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) On Thursday you'll go into a little booth and do what you do every five years. Have a shower.
Taurus (20 APRIL - 20 MAY) This week for your 18th birthday you get to open the sealed box your parents put together the day you were born. Inside is a slip of paper saying 'Get a job'.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You sicken me. No, not you, the one stood next to you.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) As an existentialist from Grimsby you’ve always believed that Hull is other people.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Time to up the exercise levels this weekend by going to the chippy that's further away.
Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) If life has taught you one thing, might I suggest you start paying a bit more attention?
Aries (21 MAR-19 APR) Counting to ten is a good way to calm down and may also explain, given your educational record, why you’re so angry all the time.