Horoscopes

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Enjoy your Easter weekend slapping chocolate out of the hands of your atheist friends and asking why they’re not at work.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Your nan fails to thank you this week for the sweater you get her with the ‘Do Not Resuscitate’ logo.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) You lose finally lose several pounds this week, when you have your foot amputated.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) The death of Hugo Chavez hits you pretty hard until somebody tells you he wasn't a footballer.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) After buying a pin cushion you now have really comfortable pins.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Taurus (20 APRIL – 20 MAY) Apparently, The Wonderstuff’s Size Of A Cow contains traces of Jethro Tull’s Heavy Horses.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Leo (23 JUL-22 AUG) Zombies, for f*ck’s sake? What are you, 12?

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Aquarius (20 JAN-19 FEB) You watch Home Alone on rewind, where it’s about a family who’ll only adopt a boy once he’s proven he can knock shite out of burglars.