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THREE YEAR-OLDS TO SUE EACH OTHER OVER JUICE AND POO-POOS |
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13-11-09 |
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A FLOOD of juice and poo-based legal cases was predicted last night as Britain's three year-olds attempt to ruin each other in court.
 'Seventy-five, not a penny less. We're going to screw this fucker to the wall'
Lawyers are predicting settlements of at least £50,000 to be paid mainly in Ribena, fun-size Milky Ways and brightly coloured objects.
Julian Cook, who is acting on a no-win no-fee basis for Stevenage three year-old Wayne Hayes, said: "My client was napping peacefully when little Billy McKay started screaming like a maniac about, what everyone agreed, was absolutely nothing at all.
"My client responded in a measured and reasonable manner by screaming as loudly as he could. Mr McKay then deliberately and maliciously increased the volume of his screaming at which point my client was forced to soil himself. We're looking for sixty grand."
Tom Logan, a partner at toddler specialists Porter, Pinkney and Turner, said: "Cases like this are becoming increasingly common these days, particularly on Boston Legal.
"Have you seen the one where a car sues its owner for sexual harassment and then William Shatner tries to have sex with the car? And then James Spader waves his little arms around and convinces the jury that cars are people too. I bloody love this job."
Meanwhile Charlie Reeves, three and a bit, from Darlington, is to sue the BBC over its refusal to show In the Night Garden over and over and over again.
Charlie's solicitor Martin Bishop said: "My client does not take this matter lightly. He is frowny-mouth. He is icky-poopy. As he said himself just the other day 'ba ba ba ba ba ba ba'."
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