|
BBC GROWING NEW TOP GEAR PRESENTERS IN BELLY FOLDS OF MIDDLE-AGED MAN |
|
|
|
23-12-09 |
|
AS Top Gear's ratings plummet, the BBC has begun cultivating the three boils on a fat middle-aged man's belly that will grow into its new presenters.
 'Hello tiny Top Gear presenters'
Over the course of several months, the middle-manager's frustrations about life, work and no one ever laughing at his description of today's Mac cartoon in the Daily Mail will nurture the tiny life forms as they develop first into fleshy sacs and finally into adult human male-sized twats with their own ready-made TV brand.
The 'father' of the new presenters is Roy Hobbs, a 46-year-old with a slightly duff knee who is currently area sales supervisor for a golf supplies firm in Essex.
Geneticist Tom Logan said: "Roy thinks he's some sort of maverick because he hates the EU and people who can't park.
"He did engineering at university, never got any fanny and is subsequently overwhelmed by a Freudian desire to watch old vehicles explode.
"In short, he is Top Gear and his unholy spawn will soon be the toast of Sunday tea-time telly."
A BBC spokesman said: "Think of the Top Gear presenter gestation process as being like a David Cronenberg film but with more suede elbow patches.
"Fans of the show can rest assured that the replacement hosts - currently called Tom, Josh and Anton - will be equally hilarious and will still adhere to the belief that jeans and blazers are the default uniform of the alpha male."
|
