Workers’ cafe has untouched copy of Guardian

A LOCAL cafe has a copy of today’s Guardian that will remain forever untouched by human hands.

Robot Wars enters peace talks phase

THE combatants of BBC series Robot Wars have decided to settle their differences peacefully.

Can we do hanging next? asks Britain

BRITONS have demanded another important issue to vote on without much thought for the consequences.

Neighbourhood traumatised by shorts incident

LOCALS are coming to terms with having seen their neighbour's weird knees over the weekend.

France condemned as petty, jumped-up country obsessed with protecting its borders

FRANCE hates foreigners and thinks it is better than neighbouring countries, it has been claimed.

Young offenders sentenced to two weeks at service station on the M6

TWO youths convicted of selling cannabis in Wolverhampton have been sentenced to a fortnight at Hilton Park services on the M6.

Conspiracy theorists finally convinced no secret society could possibly be running this mess

CONSPIRACY theorists have finally been convinced there is no secret society running the country because no-one could possibly believe any of this was orchestrated.

Company almost forgets to cover product with incredibly hard to remove stickers

A COMPANY’S production line was halted yesterday after one of its products almost failed to be covered in pointless, annoying stickers.