Watching Eurovision ironically is still watching Eurovision, say experts

THE British public have been warned that watching the Eurovision Song Contest to sneer at it is no better than watching it genuinely, like a Belgian.

Adult colouring book doesn’t even contain naked breasts

BUYERS of adult colouring books have discovered they are devoid of any erotic content.

Professor bets he can turn SNP MP into a gentleman

A PROFESSOR has entered into a wager that he can make a Scottish National Party MP pass for a gentleman.

Liz Kendall to punch UK's last coal miner

LABOUR leadership hopeful Liz Kendall has promised to punch the last surviving British coal miner hard in the face.

Bin Laden was 9/11 conspiracy theorist

OSAMA bin Laden was convinced that the CIA were responsible for the 9/11 attacks despite planning them himself, it has emerged.

Kent emotionally devastated by earthquake

KENT residents have said they may never trust the earth again after being hit by a 4.2 magnitude earthquake.

Henry Hoover watches you sleep

YOUR Henry Hoover comes into your bedroom at night and watches you from inches away, researchers have discovered.