Britain wants Jurgen Klopp to be its stepdad

BRITAIN’S football fans have admitted that having Jurgen Klopp as a stepdad would be great.

Big Sam doesn’t give a f**k

ENGLAND manager Sam Allardyce has confirmed that he could not give a fuck what anybody says.

Cyclist who stopped at red light questions own manhood

A CYCLIST who failed to ride right through a red light has been left wondering if he is any kind of a man.

Woman consults phone 63 times without filling internal void

A WOMAN has looked at her smartphone 63 times in a day without finding the cure for her inner emptiness.

Delusional man thinks he’s getting his tenancy deposit back

A DELUSIONAL man thinks he is going to get his deposit back from a private landlord.

The Mash guide to the presidential debate

AMERICA’S presidential candidates have clashed on live television - but who won the debate?

Baby bullshit websites weirdly using ‘mama’ instead of ‘mum’

WEBSITES and blogs about baby bullshit are weirdly obsessed with the word ‘mama’, it has been claimed.

Cocktail barman overly concerned about customers making right choice

A COCKTAIL barman cares too deeply about which drink his customers order, it has emerged.