Trains set free to roam as they please

RAIL bosses have given up trying to control their trains and have set them free to roam wild.

Stranger gave mum £10 to piss off

MOTHER of three Nikki Hollis was given £10 by a stranger to leave her local pub and take her kids with her.

Middle class socialists concerned about Tsipras’s modest lifestyle

COMFORTABLY-OFF socialists in the UK have expressed concern that Alexis Tsipras appears to live without lots of nice things.

Achievements to be restricted to over 30s

PEOPLE under 30 are to be banned from achieving any kind of success.

FA Cup giant-killings to be followed by Premier League dwarf-killings

FOLLOWING the weekend's giant-killing FA Cup wins, the Premier League has promised that next weekend's dwarf-crushings will continue as usual.

Strange clingy people welcome room sharing

THE trend for sharing a rented room with a complete stranger has been welcomed by people who have no friends due to their weird personalities.

McCartney irritating whole new generation

PAUL McCartney has become the first artist to irritate three generations of music fans after appearing on Rihanna's new single.

London sponsored by cocaine

LONDON is now officially sponsored by its cocaine dealers.