Does ‘extremists’ include Russell Brand? asks everyone

BRITAIN will accept diminished civil rights if it means less Russell Brand on the television, it has emerged.

Supermarkets to stop hiding contempt for customers

BRITAIN’S supermarkets have revealed plans to stop concealing their utter loathing of the public.

Your astrological week ahead, with Psychic Bob

Libra (23 SEP-23 OCT) People say you're like Marmite – a lot of them want to stick a knife in you.

People who hate music excited about new Cheryl single

THOUSANDS of people who find actual music too confusing are excited to purchase the new single by Cheryl Cole.

Alan Pardew refuses to discuss giant looming sword

NEWCASTLE manager Alan Pardew has ignored enquiries about the huge sword suspended point-down above him by a single thread.

Manchester United fans using plane banners for idle chit chat

MANCHESTER United fans are communicating anything that pops into their heads via plane banners.

Duncan Smith ahead in f**king stupid ideas sweepstake

IAIN Duncan Smith is tipped to win a bet on who can come up with the most idiotic idea at the Tory conference.

Humans made to wear tax discs

THE legal obligation to display a valid tax disc has been shifted from cars to people.