Britons flown back from Gambia to their marginally more stable home country

BRITONS are being flown home from a Gambia teetering on the edge of war to Britain, which is marginally more stable for the time being. 

Man thinks fellow cafe customers will enjoy sound of videos he is watching

A MAN in a cafe has decided to share the sound of the internet videos he is watching, because he thinks everyone will probably like that.

If you're being a tax haven we only really want London, say investors

INTERNATIONAL investors have demanded that when Britain becomes a tax haven it must slim down to just London.

Courgette famine yet to claim first victim

NOBODY has starved to death so far despite a desperate lack of courgettes reaching British shores.

No, really, what's the plan, though? May asked

THERESA May has been told that yesterday's speech was great fun but she now needs to announce the real Brexit plan.

Couple having extension 'nightmare' should shut up now

A COUPLE who have enough money to make their house bigger should stop whining about the trauma it is causing them, it has been confirmed.

After Brexit we set sail for America, says May

THERESA May told Britain today that once a clean Brexit is achieved, Britain will weigh anchor and sail across the Atlantic to the New World.

Uniting behind Brexit a bit hard if you think it's shit

'COMING together' to make a success of Brexit is difficult if you believe it is a heap of shit, it has been claimed.