Plucky Lithuania set out to injure as many players as possible

THE Lithuania side are looking forward to going in studs-first on England’s big names in tonight’s Euro qualifier.

Nobody cares about second baby, Kate told

THE Duchess of Cambridge has been advised that interest in her forthcoming baby is hovering around zero.

Schoolkids rule the bus, confirm experts

RESEARCHERS have definitively proven that children aged 11-16 are in complete command of any bus they are on.

Savoy Hotel closes after bad TripAdvisor review

LONDON hotel The Savoy has closed its doors after more than 125 years following a one-star TripAdvisor review.

Liberal elite declares police state

THE UK government has been overthrown by a liberal elite junta headed by Guardian columnist Polly Toynbee.

Richard III’s tomb includes holograms and prog rock

THE tomb of Richard III includes interactive features, holograms and the music of Rick Wakeman.

Showing initiative ‘a waste of everyone’s time’

SHOWING initiative is a waste of time for the person who does it and those who have to live with the consequences.

Paxman was doodling sketches of what he would do to Cameron and Miliband

JEREMY Paxman drew dozens of crude sketches of what he would do to David Cameron and Ed Miliband during last night’s TV interviews.