Burning Man festival being explained in a patronising manner

PEOPLE who go to Burning Man festival have been explaining what it is in a slightly condescending tone.

Exciting new technology nowhere near ready

AN exciting new piece of technology is nowhere near ready and will never come into widespread use.

Scholes to be voiced by Julie Walters

SOFTLY-SPOKEN Paul Scholes will be voiced by Julie Walters when he appears as a pundit on BT Sport.

I'm being publicly taunted by that young upstart Justin Bieber

You need to throw his school bag in a river.

Kids switch from pirates to hitmen

CHILDREN have moved on from their love for pirates to a fascination with hired killers.

Millions forced into fantasy football

WORKERS are being coerced into joining complex and tedious fantasy football games.

Government weighing up pros and cons of ebola virus

DAVID Cameron has set up a Cabinet committee to decide if ebola is a bad thing.

UK to get referendum on opening Pandora’s box

BRITONS are expected to vote in favour of opening a box containing unspeakable evil.