Crowd at prog rock gig unsure when to applaud

THE crowd at a ‘prog rock’ gig had no idea when to applaud as they could never be sure the song had finished.

Girlfriend annexes final item of boyfriend’s clothing

A GIRLFRIEND has completed the process of annexing every item of her boyfriend’s wardrobe.

Google rendered unusable after font change

SEARCH engine Google has been abandoned by users unable to decipher its new logo.

Nation heroically fights down more beer to cut deficit

THOUSANDS of heroic Britons are selflessly downing extra pints of beer in the name of fiscal solvency.

‘Wenger’ becomes a verb

TO go out shopping and return home empty handed is now described as to ‘Wenger’.

Corbynmania 'so last August'

JEREMY Corbyn has been deserted in droves by young Labour fans bored of his radical beard thing.

Men getting ready to pretend they understand rugby

MEN across Britain are training hard so as not to appear totally baffled by the Rugby World Cup.

Dear Holly: Do you think I've got that Lyme disease or something?

"After about nine months there is an intense searing pain in my crotch and, weirdly, I hear a baby crying."