KIM Jong Un has told Hollywood to stick to sexually attractive vampires or he will have everyone killed.
A COMMITTED racist and homophobe has blamed pain-killing medication for a string of cogent arguments in favour of multi-culturalism and gay rights.
AFTER unsuccessfully resigning, Ally McCoist has admitted that he has no idea how he can stop being Rangers manager.
THE proprietor of a shop selling tasteful artisan gifts has realised it is all just so f*cking irrelevant.
I just worry he might be a bit grabby with the twins' Lego.
THE creators of a tedious, badly-designed computer game are hurriedly adding gratuitous sex and violence.
A BRIEF guide to how things will change but stay the same in the coming year.
THE Church of England has managed to appoint a female bishop within half a century of humans setting foot on another world.