Scotland commission unveils hideously deformed camel

THE commission on new powers for Scotland has unveiled a camel with nine legs, seven humps and 13 buttocks.

Jurassic World tells story of enjoyable day out at safety-conscious dinosaur park

THE new Jurassic Park sequel features no peril because of improved health and safety at the dinosaur park.

Miliband reveals packed gaffe schedule

ED Miliband has revealed that he is struggling to keep up with his packed diary of PR blunders.

Bristol fog smells suspiciously of skunk

THE ‘fog’ currently enveloping Bristol has a strong aroma of cannabis, it has been claimed.

How can I satisfy my desire for dirty techno whilst running the UK economy?

The people at work are just jealous they didn't get to go to a party.

Everyone in crisis except Chelsea

CHELSEA is the one football club in Europe not presently descending into chaos, it has been confirmed.

Killer seals playing pretentious mind games with police

KILLER seals are attempting to engage police in pseudo-intellectual cat-and-mouse games.

'Perfectionism' an excuse to have massive tantrums

PEOPLE who claim to be perfectionists are just moody bastards, it has emerged.