Labour MPs allowed to vote with consciences they abandoned long ago

LABOUR MPs instructed to vote with their consciences are struggling to remember where they left them.

Too early for Christmas trees, say people who police the behaviour of others in their own homes

IT IS too early to put up your Christmas tree, according to those who believe they can dictate what you do in the privacy of your own f**king house.

Britain First are stupid, say bulldogs

ENGLISH bulldogs have confirmed that they think the views of Britain First are wrong.

Humans to save planet by buying things with ‘eco’ in the name

CLIMATE change can be stopped by purchasing goods that say ‘eco’ on the packaging, it has been claimed.

Couple decide not to renovate kitchen

A COUPLE have decided to just leave their kitchen as it is.

Parents badgered into buying monkey that smokes fags

WORN-DOWN parents have purchased a cigarette-smoking monkey as their young son’s Christmas present.

Massive cat responds to shooing with icy glare

A HUGE cat has responded to attempts to evict it from a garden with cold indifference.

Tennis fans on Pimm’s rampage

BRITISH tennis fans have run amok after the Davis Cup, downing jugs of winter Pimms and demanding plate after plate of olives.