A PAIR of deranged maniacs are going to take their children to a music festival while their friends stand back and let them.
NUTRITIONISTS have claimed eating two, four, six, or eight portions of fruit and vegetables every day is healthy, but eating one, three, five, or seven could be fatal.
TEENAGERS have declared themselves privileged to live in the golden age of music represented by flame-haired genius Ed Sheeran.
JEREMY Corbyn had admitted that Labour’s Copeland loss means they can no longer ignore the serious flaws of Britain’s electorate.
LEICESTER City’s owners have sacked title-winning manager Claudio Ranieri, the fans of the club and the city of Leicester itself.
UKIP have responded to the Stoke by-election defeat by saying they do not need MPs because everyone does what they want anyway.
THE Guardian has published a guide to cooking quick, but delicious crystal meth for a casual Friday night get-together.
BRITAIN is waiting with bated breath for the verdict of the few people in Stoke and Copeland who can be arsed to vote, it has been confirmed.
- Brexit optimism highest among people who love setting fire to things
- New BBC Scotland channel to show English programmes with derisive Scottish commentary
- Trump is on glue, confirms White House
- Unhealthiest nation in Europe encouraged to watch more telly
- Rugby under increasing pressure to come up with set of rules