Johnson to press ahead with island for people called Boris

BORIS Johnson is to create an island sanctuary for people called Boris.

DJ names not stupid enough

THE lack of absurd DJ names has been linked to a decline in the quality of dance music.

New app gets you back together with your ex

A NEW phone app restores failed relationships, its makers have claimed.

Russia lines up more non-cute animals to die in space

FOLLOWING the deaths of the geckos on its satellite, Russia is to send more unappealing species on one-way space journeys.

Britons demand hangover consistency

DRINKERS are furious about being unable to predict the severity of their hangovers.

Water voles propose new food chain

ENDANGERED water voles have designed a revised food chain where nothing eats them.

Brian Sewell's transfer window round-up

NOTHING would have induced me to flee to Manchester, not even £16m.

Pavements face gridlock

HUGE baby buggies, heavier people and kids on scooters threaten the UK with pedestrian gridlock by 2015.