ALL the world’s women have been ranked by looks in a new list of The World’s Sexiest Three Billion Ladies.

As the trend for listing females grows, an all-male panel containing magazine editors, teenage boys, anthropologists and disgraced former game show hosts has created the first all-encompassing global attractiveness chart.

A spokesman for the World’s Sexiest Three Billion project said: “We thought it was unfair that only famous women were being judged as sexual fodder, so we’ve assessed them all and published the list in the 3 billion-page glossy magazine format with adverts for shirts and watches.

“This surprising and challenging list answers a lot of those nagging female sexiness questions – is my mum actually hotter than my wife? Which of my nans would other men most like to fuck?

“And of course, who is the world’s ugliest woman and would I do her if drunk?

“Just to be clear, that particular lady – Nikki Hollis – is nevertheless beautiful on the inside, where it counts. We’re not shallow.”

Teacher and world’s 1,495,496,658th sexiest woman Emma Bradford said: “I’ve just discovered I’m two million down the list from the actress who played Ailsa in Home & Away.

“I am angry about this whole thing on at least two levels.”