BBC UNVEILS LINE-UP FOR BILLIEPIPERMAS

THE BBC has unveiled the spectacular line-up for what promises to be the best Billiepipermas ever.

Will Billie get a mysterious, 19th Century seeing-to?

The corporation has spent more than £20 million to ensure that viewers are treated to a delectable Billiepipermas banquet of delights.

Director general Mark Thompson said: "Billiepipermas is a time for family and we wanted this year's schedule to reflect the true meaning of Billie.

"Whether you watch BBC1 or BBC2, by the end of Billiepipermas you'll be stuffed full of great entertainment and food.

"From everyone at the BBC, have a happy Billiepipermas and a Billiepiper New Year!"

Those Billiepipermas schedules in full...

BBC1
8am: A Billiepipermas Breakfast - Dermot Murnaghan starts talking to Billie Piper the second she wakes up.

10.30am: Secret Diary of a Call Girl: The Cartoon

12 noon: Billie Piper's Billiepipermas Lunch Makeover - Live! Gordon Ramsay cooks a delicious four-course lunch while Trinny and Susannah dress Billie like an elf.

3pm: The Queen - Her Majesty talks about what a great year it's been for Billie Piper.

3.10pm: E.T.

5.20pm: Dr Who: Queer Eye for the Cybermen - David Tennant must choose between Catherine Tate, Kylie Minogue and a feisty young girl named Rose...

7pm: Back to the Future III

9pm: The Mystery of the Low Cut Dress - Billie Piper stars as Sally Lockhart in a tale of intrigue and thighs.

BBC2
9am - 4pm: International Darts

4pm: The Alternative Billiepipermas Message from Katie Melua

4.15pm: Heston Blumenthal's Food Made of Clocks

6.30pm: Top Gear Blows Up a Cow - A Billiepipermas special starring Jeremy, James, Richard and a soon-to-be-deceased three year-old Fresian.

7.30pm: It's a Wonderful Pie - The rarely watched sequel starring James Stewart as George Bailey and Mickey Rooney as Gary the Pie.

9pm: Mon Chien Est Mon Épouse - A quirky French film about a postman who marries a dog.