Government To Tackle Child Poverty With Fabulous New Production Of 'Oliver!'

26-01-10

THE government is to lift 300,000 London children out of severe poverty by staging the world's biggest production of Oliver!.

Only 68,000 Londoners under 12 are still living in a sewer, said Balls

The mega-musical will take place in Hyde Park and the money raised will be spent on apples and pears as well as free chirpiness lessons for the city's waifs and strays.

From the end of next month all youths living on a household income of less than £50 per week will have to report to designated dance studios across the capital or have their benefits withdrawn.

Children's minister Ed Balls said: "Imagine a third of a million cheeky little cockneys singing Consider Yourself. It's going to be an epic production of knees-up social deprivation.

"If it gets a Broadway run we're looking at staging West Side Story to highlight problems with inner-city gang violence. It's all part of our policy to make social regeneration more dazzling."

Auditions will be held in children's homes for the leading roles of the Artful Dodger and Oliver and producers are hoping to find a new child star amongst the slums of Hackney and Bow.

Social worker Nikki Hollis said: "We need a fresh-faced lad of about 12 who isn't too emaciated to really nail the grand battement during Food Glorious Food."

Kyle Stephenson, 11, from Bethnal Green, said: "We've had no electricity for two months because my old ma needed the money to pay off her ponce, so reading the sheet music for Got to Pick a Pocket or Two ain't been easy and no mistake.

"Spare a shiny penny guv'nor?"