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ITV TO LAUNCH CELEBRITY SPANISH INQUISITION |
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23-11-09 |
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ITV has unveiled plans for a new reality TV show based on the most nauseating atrocities of the Spanish Inquisition.
 Like this, but with Ant and Dec
A spokesman said: "The action takes place in a dimly-lit dungeon at Warwick Castle, with the celebrities in the role of 'heretics'.
"Brother Ant and Brother Dec will extract penance using techniques chosen by the viewers. If the victim repents the studio audience then gets to decide whether the torture should continue anyway after Ant and Dec shout 'what would Torquemada do?'." Viewers can vote for options including the basket of weasels, force-feeding, via the nostrils, of Fray Bentos chicken and mushroom pies and the insertion of obese guinea pigs using a genuine 15th century bum-funnel.
ITV is already working on how to trick celebrities into appearing on the show and producers are hoping the first doomed penitents will be the unacceptable couple from the BT adverts.
A source said: "Our focus groups suggest the vast majority want to see Katie Price caged and squirming inside an iron maiden.
"But now that she's walked out of Celebrity Jungle Titties we're pinning our hopes on the fact that she'll almost certainly have no idea what 'inquisition' means. We'll just tell her she's getting paid to get drunk in Marbella."
The spokesman added: "This isn't just about unspeakable sadism and breasts, it's about broadening people's horizons and teaching them history in a way that's entertaining and fun. Most ITV viewers currently think a heretic is a breed of cow."
Television enthusiast Tom Logan said: "Nietzsche once warned us, 'When you look into the abyss, remember the abyss also looks into you'.
"Fuck that - if there's huge tits and bestial acts of cruelty, I'm there with bells on."
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