The Daily Mash - SKY TO BROADCAST IN THREE DIMENSIONS OF AWFULNESS

SKY TO BROADCAST IN THREE DIMENSIONS OF AWFULNESS

19-12-08

SKY is to add an extra dimension of awfulness to its television output with the launch of 3D TV, it announced last night.

'When Elephants Attack Camper Vans: 3D'

From next April the satellite broadcaster will transmit its most popular shows in high definition 3D, including Kirsty Gallagher's Friday Night Piss Factor, America's Fattest Retards and High Street Honey Hostage Hell.

If successful Sky said it would rapidly roll out the new technology to other favourites including Crime Scene, Navy Crime, Ross Kemp's Big Hard Boys and CSI: Shut That Door!

Viewer Bill McKay said he was looking forward to paying £2500 for a 3D television set that, when he is not wearing the special cardboard glasses, will just look like it's broken.

He added: "As a CSI fan the key thing that has been missing from my viewing experience is the sight of a mutilated corpse in the middle of my living room.

"However, it does occur to me that as the technology gets ever more sophisticated, the programmes become ever more appalling. I wonder if the two are in any way connected?"

Meanwhile, health experts are warning of the dangers of watching pornography in 3D, predicting a sharp increase in genital injuries as millions of drunken perverts attempt to join in.

Dr Julian Cook said: "So there's Jemma Jameson on all fours, staring straight at you, as some nameless stud goes at her from behind.

"And now you're thinking, 'I may as well join in the fun' but do remember that if someone walks into the room and they're not wearing the special glasses all they're going to see is your fat buttocks thrusting vigorously into thin air."