WEST APPLAUDS CHINA'S TREATMENT OF UGLY CHILD

CHINA was last night congratulated for its adoption of western values after banning an ugly child from appearing on television.

Yang perfomed from a dungeon under the stadium

US secretary of state Condoleeza Rice said China had taken a 'cultural leap forward' by excluding seven year-old Yang Peiyi from the Olympic opening ceremony.

Ms Rice added: "Wasn't she horrible? She reminded me of the volley ball from Cast Away, in a dress.

"She also looked a bit retarded and you can't really show that sort of thing on primetime TV, unless it's a documentary."

The Chinese said they took their inspiration from the classic MGM musical Singin' in the Rain, where a beautiful blonde actress mimes to the voice of potato-like Debbie Reynolds.

Chen Qigang, the ceremony director, said: "Yang has voice of angel, but face of Shane McGowan from Pogues.

"We use her and world think China land of ugly troll, not hot Asia babe.

"So instead we get cute girl to mime to Yang's lovely voice. She honk like Peking duck, but beautiful like china doll.

"Maybe she join Girls Aloud or Pussycat Dolls, yes? Perhaps do sexy dance on MTV."

He added: "At least this prove we all not look the same."