6 Music To Continue Doing Whatever It Supposedly Does
NOBODY is sure whether 6 Music has started broadcasting again, whether it stopped or what it actually does, following a decision by the BBC Trust.
The ruling was delayed after the Corporation’s team of in-house philosophers pondered the question – if a radio station that nobody ever listened to is left in the middle of a forest with no-one around, did it ever exist in the first place?
A BBC spokesman said: “If only we had just pulled the plug one Wednesday afternoon. Nobody would have noticed until Steve Lamacq started tap-dancing for change outside Marble Arch tube station.”
But the closure was abandoned after a high-profile campaign by fans of theoretical broadcasting claimed 6 Music was the world’s first quantum radio station.
Astromusicologist, Roy Hobbs, said: “6 Music can be said to simultaneously exist – as proven by Lauren Laverne’s constantly expanding presence in the Guardian – and not exist, as proven by the absence of anyone who has actually listened to it.
“It’s a bit like SchrÃ¶dinger’s cat, if it had sounded like an Elastica B-side.”
Campaigner Emma Bradford said: “The BBC has a remit to produce output which would not be commercially viable, which is why we will now be campaigning to save The Muttering Channel, RacistRecipes606 and BBC Wales.”
However, the closure of the Asian Network will go ahead after Coldplay decided not give a tuppenny shit about it.
Stubbornly alive frontman Chris Martin said: “If only they’d told me they were a bit peckish or had recently had a big flood.”