BBC2 replaced by squirrel with huge genitals
THE BBC is to replace much of its programming with footage of a strikingly well-endowed squirrel, it has been announced.
Director general Mark Thompson’s statement came just days after the rodent captivated viewers of BBC2′s The Great British Bake-Off with a lingering display of its disproportionately large reproductive organs.
Thompson said: “Facing 20 per cent budget cuts over the next five years, it’s clear that changes have to be made if we are to protect the BBC’s core remit.
“Which is, of course, hosting pointless brainstorming sessions in hotel function rooms, where grown adults toss sponge balls around while shouting out ‘creative’ uses for a corkscrew, and strange roadshows where kids get in brightly-coloured lorries and use the internet.
“Balancing audience feedback with financial constraints, we have decided to give over BBC2′s entire schedule, plus 12 per cent of BBC1′s, to the creature known as Large Penis Squirrel.”
BBC2 viewer Tom Logan said: “Much as I enjoy Horizon’s incisive yet clear coverage of topical scientific events, and Newnight’s stimulating discourse, I also find unusually large rodent sex organs hilarious.
“Particularly when the animal is just sitting there, chewing nonchalantly, because it doesn’t even realise that its penis and testicles are bigger than its head.
“That is funny, you can say it isn’t, but it is.
“And because my attention span has been destroyed by internet addiction, it will never become tiresome.”
Large Penis Squirrel’s agent Nikki Hollis said: “There’s much more to Large Penis Squirrel than meets the eye, although admittedly you don’t really get that from the name.
“I mean, he grew up in a tree, and when he was four his brother got shot with an air gun.
“Anyway the same ghost writer who does all the comedians is doing his Christmas book, just buy it, it’s glossy.”