Skyfall released as preview to trailer

THE latest two-hour Bond feature Skyfall has been released as a teaser for the more exciting trailer.

The trailer will have none of the bullshit about his childhood

Expectations for a white-knuckle Skyfall trailer are running high after the full, unwieldy 115 minute version uploaded by the studio to Youtube was revealed to have some brilliant explosions.

Film critic Emma Bradford said: “The feature-length Skyfall is inevitably padded out with product placement, bewildering plot points and Daniel Craig doing his ‘baboon shitting a peach stone’ face.

“But there’s at least two minutes’ worth of fireballs, one-liners and good old-fashioned breasts that leaves you gagging for the unbridled sensory overload of the trailer.”

She added: “Given the increasing fetishisation of film promos and the corresponding decrease in human attention span, it was inevitable that trailers and features would swap roles.

“Who needs story when you can have fast-moving shapes and colours punctuated by thrilling, doomy ‘bong’ sounds and tantalising glimpses of things that might be nipples?

“Not me.”

The Skyfall trailer will be released in cinemas worldwide next month, to be preceded at screenings by the 90 minute trailer-teaser feature length version of Anchorman 2.

Cinema manager Tom Logan said: “Although the main feature is obviously the Skyfall trailer, we hope that Anchorman 2 will whet audience appetites for the proper 2-minute cut that’s pure zinger with all the shit bits removed.

“Also by padding the evening out we will give audiences sufficient time to consume warm crisps covered in luminous cheese-esque substance and discuss the painful torments they’d like to inflict on the creators of those Orange adverts.”