Chinese Writer Claims Avatar Has A Plot

CHINESE novelist Zhou Shaomou has sensationally claimed that James Cameron's Avatar has a plot.

Shaomou, whose name means 'Michael Jackson lyric' in Mandarin, is suing the director for £97m after stating that Avatar lifted several key story details from his novel Blue People Of The Allegory Mountains.

He said: "My reputation is in tatters now everybody knows I write stuff that could be turned into something like Avatar.

"I'm an absolute joke in the fantasy fiction community, which as you can imagine takes quite some doing.

"I spent seven years writing my 1.2 million word book, only for James Cameron to make a fortune out of it by trimming it to 18 hours, adding loads of brilliant explosions, marketing it really well, having an innate sense of populist tastes and… well… look, that's not the point.

"Oh, and then there's the 3D. Have you seen the 3D? Good lord."

Shaomou claims he first noticed the similarities when the film passed the $1bn mark at the box office, adding: "I suddenly realised there was something very familiar about all that money."

Entertainment law specialist, Nathan Muir, said: "Shamou doesn't stand a chance. Any half-decent lawyer will be able to prove that the Avatar storyline is what happens when a maniac rolls around the New Age section of Waterstone's covered in Blu Tac."

Last night James Cameron rejected accusations of plagiarism adding: "You talkin' to me? Because frankly my dear, I don't give a damn. But go ahead, make my day because I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more."

He added: "And by the way, we're going to need a bigger boat."

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Scottish And Southern Cuts Prices Just In Time For Summer

SCOTTISH and Southern Energy has made the bold move of cutting its prices to coincide with it getting lighter and warmer of an evening.

The company said the cut would represent a £30 a year reduction, or just enough to buy the three litres of Asda Smart Price vodka you are going to need when you open your latest quarterly bill.

A spokesman said: "This our way of saying thank you to our loyal customers and reminding them that unless they want to burn pig dung they can shut it."

The company has pledged to review the price structure approximately 1.5 seconds after the first leaf hits the ground in September.

Should next winter prove to be a mild one, they plan to rent a fleet of tug boats to drag Britain 800 miles north and park it off the coast of Norway.

Although the utilities market is still volatile, the company stressed that its autumn pricing would be linked to wholesale factors, supply guarantees and an overwhelming desire for a Mercedes S-Class and a private zoo.

Gas user Tom Logan said "This great news means we may be able to afford some bacon this summer, or perhaps even a little sausage.

"Although if we want to cook it, we are going to have wait for a hot day and then leave it on a large flat stone."

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