DC Comics reveals all Marvel characters are gay
IRON MAN, the Hulk and all other Marvel comic characters ever have been outed as gay by rival publisher DC.
Comics giant DC teased fans earlier this week with the revelation that a popular character or characters would be revealed as homosexual.
However fans had assumed the publisher would out some of its own characters, rather than those of its highly profitable competitor.
A DC spokesman said: “Our industry has to reflect changing times and diverse lifestyles, even if the bulk of its readership is heterosexual young males.
“I can exclusively reveal that pretty much all the characters in the Marvel universe are gay. It is, in fact, a gay universe.
“We applaud how Marvel has taken the very brave, progressive approach of being pretty much 100% homo-tastic, in the full knowledge that its audience may shrink considerably.
“The Avengers secretly run a leather bar called Crooze where the Hulk works as a gogo dancer and Spiderman serves drinks topless. Also Captain America wears a thong under his costume.
“Thor meanwhile likes burly, hairy lumberjack-type men with very thick necks. And enjoys being naked with them and kissing them all over their bodies.
“Really Marvel comics are the ideal comics to read if you are gay, or if you want all your school friends to think you’re gay. And we at DC are so proud of their bravery.
“We only wish we’d thought of this inspiringly progressive approach first, but unfortunately nearly all our DC characters are resolutely heterosexual.”
However a Marvel spokesman said: “While we remain committed to representing social diversity in our comics, DC would not be saying this shit if Avengers Assemble hadn’t just smashed it at the box office.
“Mostly our characters are not gay. They’re asexual. And we hope they continue giving inspiration to the asexual community.”