Fabric ravers to go mental within strict council guidelines

22-11-16

Mandatory Credit: Photo by Sarah Ginn/PYMCA/REX/Shutterstock (3608847a) Crowd at Fabric nightclub, Farringdon, London STOCK

RAVERS at Fabric nightclub are to go mental within strict local authority guidelines.

The iconic London nightclub is to re-open under new council guidelines, allowing ravers to have a fucking mad one while staying within rigidly enforced legal boundaries.

Clubber Tom Booker said: “Raving is my life, but I also love rules especially Section 14, Subsection 4.5b of the 1992 Nightclubs and Venues Act. There’s some great shit in there about properly organised CCTV surveillance.

“Apparently Ricardo Villalobos is going to be playing a 14-hour set in the main room when Fabric re-opens. It’s going to be insane, but hopefully not too loud otherwise I might sustain long-term hearing damage.

“I don’t want the lights to hurt my eyes either so it’d be best if they have some rules for that too.”

Fabric’s re-opening is also being hailed as a victory by people who take raving far too seriously and wank on about ‘electronic music culture’.

Blogger Wayne Hayes said: “Fabric is a seminal venue in the evolution of house music from mid-80s Chicago warehouse parties to a more mainstream acceptance of the DJ as a fully-evolved artist.”

He added: “Christ I need a woman in my life so badly.”

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