Greek warriors abduct Samantha Brick

ANCIENT Greek warriors have stormed the Big Brother house after mistaking Samantha Brick for Helen of Troy.

The face that launched some ships

The heavily armed hoplites entered the house after killing security guards and presenter Brian Dowling, who had been preparing to announce the latest eviction to the show’s sorry handful of viewers.

The Greeks searched the house, pausing only to watch a juvenile argument between obscure model Danica Thrall and reality show ‘star’ Michael Sorrentino before killing them with spears.

Entering the Diary Room, the soldiers seized Samantha Brick, although one was heard to remark that she was “not that fit”, and “a bit rough if you ask me”.

The chaos escalated as comedian Julian Clary quipped: “Ooh, I wouldn’t mind a bit of Greek!” He was immediately decapitated.

The Greeks then demanded that Martin Kemp sing the Spandau Ballet hit True for them, before leaving the house with Brick, who appeared delighted by the attention.

Brick later tweeted from her iPhone, apparently while on board a ship bound for Sparta: “In demand with men – as usual!!!

“I’m just a bit surprised I’ve not been ravished yet!!! Got to go – there appears to be some discussion about throwing me overboard :-/”