Iron Maiden fans somehow immune to self-consciousness epidemic


FANS of the band Iron Maiden are somehow unaffected by the self-consciousness epidemic sweeping the Western world.

Everyone enjoys it

It’s loud with flashing lights and monsters

As thousands of Maiden fans rushed to buy the band’s beer just because they like the band and they like beer, scientists marvelled at their integrity.

Professor Henry Brubaker of the Institute for Studies said: “In an age where literally everything has to be arch, knowing, witty or retro, Iron Maiden fans somehow still don’t give a fuck.

“They just like their thing for what it is, their hairy backs aren’t a statement and when they wear double denim with a bumbag it’s in no way ironic.

“The rest of us will never achieve that level of enjoyment of anything, because our stupid aspirations have made us into dicks.”

46-year-old Maiden fan Roy Hobbs said: “I go to work doing a job I can’t even be bothered to describe, then I come home and eat either a pie or a casserole with my wife, who is also into Maiden, then we drink a couple of beers and listen to The Number of the Beast.

“We’re very happy. Why wouldn’t we be?”

Hobbs confirmed that he had no opinion whatsoever about stick-on moustaches, retro gaming, boutique camping, dieting, vintage things, banter, street food, garlic presses or Jude Law.

Professor Brubaker said: “Their houses may smell of feet and engine oil but they make everyone else in the country look like pretentious twats.”

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