ITV Agrees To Final Daybreak Viewer's Demand For Lizard Wrestling
CHRISTINE Bleakley is to wrestle a Komodo dragon on live television, at the specific request of the sole remaining viewer of Daybreak.
ITV has been forced to concede to the whims of the show’s entire audience, unemployed Forest of Dean welder Wayne Hayes.
A senior source said: “Wayne has been sending us soiled vests with things written on them, using what appears to be a twig with a burnt end.
“If he jumps ship, we’re fucked into a tinker’s bucket. Unfortunately he seems to have realised this and has become increasingly demanding. Hence the Komodo dragon.”
Daybreak producers have booked Kolobos, an 140-pound adult male who recently lost an eye in an altercation with a mongoose, to engage in a four-minute battle with the show’s female host.
ITV’s Head of Reptiles Emma Bradford said: “We anticipate Kolobos will try to take Christine down with a swish of his powerful armoured tail. If that’s successful he’ll clamber onto her chest, clawing furiously, and attempting to remove her face.
“Of course Christine might manage to throttle him first, she’s quite wiry.”
She added: “A key factor in this is whether Christine is menstruating. Komodo dragons become extremely aggressive in the presence of women having their periods, for reasons that everyone can entirely understand.
“That is actually true.”
According to Hayes’ explicit instructions, Adrian Chiles is permitted to intervene but may only touch the lizard with his ears.