Man buys Pink Floyd box set, puts it on shelf, feels sad

A MIDDLE-AGED man is feeling oddly downhearted after buying an expensive limited edition box set of music by the favourite band of his youth.

Even the floating pig has more hair

Tom Logan, a 48 year-old systems analyst,  spent around £100 on a box-type thing containing a ‘re-masticated’ vinyl edition of Dark Side of the Moon, a soiled tea towel with the lyrics to Money inscribed on it in green biro and a special bonus LP featuring unreleased recordings of Syd Barrett throwing sprouts into a tin bath.

Logan, whose unfulfilling job gives him a high disposable income, will never open the packaging on his purchase because to do so would affect the highly collectable geegaw’s online resale value.

Instead he has placed it on a tragic shelf alongside his special edition U2 retrospective vinyl set with Bono-cock-shaped data-dildo, a Brian Eno anniversary unicorn and a presentation case containing Neil Young’s smegma.

Logan said: “I’m fairly certain that this Pink Floyd box set contains a magical portal back to my youth, when I had hair on my head instead of my shoulders and had no idea what Preparation H was for.

“If only I could open the box without downgrading it from ‘near mint’ to ‘excellent’.”

He added: “I ordered it specially from my local independent record store, where I suspect the young and attractive staff all laugh at me behind my back.

“But, if nothing else, I suppose it is good to financially support ageing musicians with expensive, fucknut children.”