Man buys Pink Floyd box set, puts it on shelf, feels sad
A MIDDLE-AGED man is feeling oddly downhearted after buying an expensive limited edition box set of music by the favourite band of his youth.
Tom Logan, a 48 year-old systems analyst, spent around £100 on a box-type thing containing a ‘re-masticated’ vinyl edition of Dark Side of the Moon, a soiled tea towel with the lyrics to Money inscribed on it in green biro and a special bonus LP featuring unreleased recordings of Syd Barrett throwing sprouts into a tin bath.
Logan, whose unfulfilling job gives him a high disposable income, will never open the packaging on his purchase because to do so would affect the highly collectable geegaw’s online resale value.
Instead he has placed it on a tragic shelf alongside his special edition U2 retrospective vinyl set with Bono-cock-shaped data-dildo, a Brian Eno anniversary unicorn and a presentation case containing Neil Young’s smegma.
Logan said: “I’m fairly certain that this Pink Floyd box set contains a magical portal back to my youth, when I had hair on my head instead of my shoulders and had no idea what Preparation H was for.
“If only I could open the box without downgrading it from ‘near mint’ to ‘excellent’.”
He added: “I ordered it specially from my local independent record store, where I suspect the young and attractive staff all laugh at me behind my back.
“But, if nothing else, I suppose it is good to financially support ageing musicians with expensive, fucknut children.”