New Bond film to involve large amounts of paperwork

THE new Bond film will feature unprecedented levels of admin, according to its makers.

Bond's pen is also secretly a pencil

Skyfall will follow James Bond as he looks to broaden his CV with experience in line management and budget-setting for the Met Office.

Director Sam Mendes, who denied the new bureaucracy-heavy direction was influenced by a reduced production budget, said: “The story opens with M stopping Bond from publishing figures for the annual mean rainfall for Carlisle.

“He goes rogue and releases the data at a meteorology convention in Penge, with departmentally explosive results.”

“I don’t want to reveal too much of the plot but I’ll just say two words – ‘disciplinary’ and ‘hearing’.”

Star Daniel Craig has completed a punishing six-month regime of measuring average precipitation – then collating the data into a detailed report – in preparation for the highly bureaucratic thriller.

Other possible indications of cost savings are the replacement of the iconic Aston Martin with a 2002 Ford Focus pool car for which the former spy has a petrol card, and the announcement of Michaela Strachan as the film’s key love interest.

Q will still provide gadgets to help Bond complete his mission, but fans may be disappointed to learn that one of them is a back support for his swivel chair.

Daniel Craig said “I’m going to be spending the next four months pretending to look at Powerpoint presentations and frowning a lot. 

“It’s far more authentic and gritty than any of that camp old Bond nonsense like shagging supermodels in zero gravity, I think audiences will appreciate that.”