Nintendo reveals Mario now has bullshit aspirational office job

06-09-17

NINTENDO has shocked fans by revealing that Mario is no longer a plumber but has some bullshit office job doing marketing.

The console giant confirmed that Mario quit plumbing years ago because it is no longer considered cool to be a tradesman. He now has a comfortable desk job in a faceless corporation and wears smart casual clothing instead of overalls.

A Nintendo spokesman said: “When we created Mario the world was a more innocent place, and people respected tradesmen rather than just saying things on social media about how thick they are.

“So rather than fixing toilets and doing grouting, Mario now works in an office, designing promotional mugs for a soft drinks company with a shady human rights record.

“He gets paid more money and drives around in a little silver Audio rather than a kart, which he couldn’t even legally take on the motorway.

“Whether he’s happier or not we couldn’t say, we don’t really go that deep in video games.”

The spokesman added that Mario’s brother Luigi is still a plumber, but the pair haven’t really spoken since 2006 because of something that happened at Bowser’s wedding.

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