Arts & Entertainment

Scientists banned from watching Gravity

SCIENTISTS have been banned from watching the film Gravity because they kept ruining it for normal people.

Boy bands physically merge

EVERY boyband of the 80s, 90s and 00s has merged into a hideous oozing blob.

Jamie Oliver tackles Death Row meals

TV CHEF Jamie Oliver is to make Death Row prisoners' last meals healthier and more nutritious.

Flora kid grows up to be serial killer

THE young protagonist of the current Flora TV advert becomes a killer after seeing his parents having sex.

Star Wars producers face 55 million Yoda impersonators

THE producers of Star Wars Episode 7 have discovered too late that Britain is a nation of Yoda impersonators.

DJ talks about his work as if it has artistic merit

A DANCE music DJ has spoken about his work like he's some sort of artist.

Page 3 to go dot-to-dot

THE Sun has confirmed it will continue to print bare breasts in a join-the-dots format.

Priceless collection of lost Athena posters discovered

A COLLECTION of original high street posters lost since the 1980s has been discovered in a bedroom in Bolton.