Arts & Entertainment

Old Terminator needs constant reboots

A NEW Terminator movie will star Arnold Schwarzenegger as an outdated robot assassin plagued by frustrating software problems.

Weirdo bombarding Disney with Star Wars ideas actually George Lucas

THE 'mentally ill' man sending hundreds of bizarre Star Wars ideas to Disney is actually George Lucas, it has emerged.

Tramps can't afford Springsteen tickets

BRITAIN'S tramps are in uproar after being priced out of Bruce Springsteen's current tour.

Everyone at Glastonbury wishing they were dead

GLASTONBURY optimism and pursuit of ‘the vibe’ has been replaced with dead-eyed ennui, it has been confirmed.

Amazon offers great new way to complicate your life

AMAZON has unveiled a new service designed specifically to distress pensioners and the technically inept.

Neighbourhood Watch uses spy plane to find out who watches foreign films

A NEIGHBOURHOOD Watch group is using an unmanned drone to spy on local residents’ viewing habits.

Wonka stage role 'ideal for 1970s TV perverts'

THE perverts of the entertainment world are demanding the chance to audition for the role of Willy Wonka.

Glastonbury line-up chosen at random by a cat

THIS year’s Glastonbury acts were chosen entirely at random by organiser Michael Eavis’ cat, it has emerged.